by brian.


The word is: Hollywood's dead. Glitz the glamour; it's all going down in a big way. The people say they want fresh fruit. They want lower budgets and higher risks. They want more show and less business. They want to be the guy that orders the fancy wine or sounds like he knows what's great about Gogan. Hollywood's great for the mass mind meld but I want the twenty-first century future-is-now bleeding quirky cutting serrated edge. I want the new school, zero bullshit and even less money. I want Independent Film.

Dig it:

Indy film is dirty. Independent film is personal. Independent film is Fuck You if you don't like my art! Indy films breaks rules, tells you things you don't want to hear, gives the finger to the NRG, and doesn't care about the consequences. The Indies breathe fresh air, devour cinematic history, and shits out the clichés. Indy film stretches my boundaries, makes me a better conversateur, and arthouse theater counts as my cultural experience for the week.

Independent film doesn't care how you're feeling today. Independent film doesn't help you up if you fall. Indy film kicks you when you're down, refuses to make it easy for you to grasp, and spits in the face of your criticism. The Indies will make you cold like Manhattan, dirty like Queens, and uncaring like Brooklyn.

Independent is where you want to go today.

Hollywood is burning: escape like Snake Pliskin and hang ten off the third coast. Trade your Prada for parkas in the tundra of Toronto, push PCP and pursue Prague; Kick righteous ass in Austin. Indy is everywhere and you can't escape it. Indies mainline story without lacing front-office meetings, going for an OD with no exception. Indies display their track marks with pride. Indies laugh at Hollywood. Indies laugh at Washington. Indies wash themselves of schmoose and shower in artistic freedom. Indies flow truth from their fountain pens, inking deals to experimentally masturbate for ninety minutes, daring people to call it art. Indies pack the biggest package on the block (no sock!), with spheres of steel on a roller coaster track trucking along at ninety.

Indies are the answer.

Bullshit! On sale: Buy this article and make a fool of yourself. Hopheads believe the hype but only the hipsters hear the truth. Indies are E) None of the Above. They are terrifyingly corporate, undeniably schmaltz, and underhandedly incoherent. Indies sucker you with mantras and slogans then punch you with realities and actualities. Think the Hollywood surf is brown? You'll find more medical waste in the Indy Reservoir any day. Indy filmmakers seek, slither, and seduce surprisingly well, having more to lose and less to win than the proven and chosen of Hollywood hacks. Ridley Scott drops a bomb? Life goes on. Wool-wearing Indy slackjaw cashes in the credit cards and serves the solicitous salary of science to make a maddening melodrama? His career never happened. Aisles of Isles of Indy subgenres pollute the cool video store on the block with the unwatchable and the unwanted. One of one thousand competes; usually the one bold or brave enough to take on the tough taboos that shouldn't be films anyway. Indy film is the foreign film-alternative on the Saturday night, the hundred-to-one longshot that you sit through because you're bored, the edgless quirkless, bloodless, twenty-first century piece of crap.

Get up get get down, Independent Films are a joke in your town.

Indy film plays bull in the cell but bends over when it's time to post bail. It boasts of skill but usually scores the lowest in the science fair. Indy Filmmakers hide their cell phones and lunch meetings under sweaters and dreadlocks. Indy Filmmakers flock to festivals and creep carrion on the meals and deals. Ideas and Ideals whimper and wilt for Harvey and Bob because even a fool knows it's better to bake bread than pick cotton. The Miramax Oscar formula, the new Quirk, the Faddish Feast, the Horror Halfwit: Indy films are clichés of clichés.

Now Playing on IFC: A film to make people mad, a film about film, and a documentary about the making of it. Check local listings for our decent show of the month, which led that Indy out of the gutter and into the swimming pools of Hollywood. Indy Films are piled with bad scripts on an Agents' desk; jobs for some, but entertainment for most? Independent films test your patience. Independent films disappoint. Independent films are minor league, a gauntlet to pass through on the road to Hollywood hassles, a testing ground for radical ideas that don't work.

Indy films are bricks of gold. Indy films are logs of crap. Independent film frees you from convention. Independent film makes you beg for distribution. Indy filmmakers see the future. Indy filmmakers can't get there. Independents have no boundaries. Independents have no talent. The choice is yours to make and the time is yours to spend.


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