EXT. SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD - SATURDAY MORNING
We see a blue sky with the occasional cumulus meandering
across the stratosphere as we roll credits.
We TILT DOWN to see a perfect suburban neighborhood. The
morning sunlight shines brightly on the similar houses and
fenced-off lawns.
We now LOWER the camera to show an EVIL SALESMAN: tall,
gaunt, pasty white skin wearing a black leather overcoat and
leather preacher's hat.
Handcuffed to his wrist is a hard black BRIEFCASE.
The Evil Salesman looks to the house on his right and starts
walking up the path to the door.
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE #1 - SAME
We're looking at a wood-grain door
SFX: ding-dong
The door opens to reveal the Evil Salesman looking into
camera. He gives a wickedly evil smile, showing his hollowed
back eyes and horribly mis-colored teeth.
Good morning Miss. May I interestyou in our fine line of BetterLiving pamphlets?The Evil Salesman then picks his briefcase up, holding it in
one hand as he opens it with the other.
As the briefcase opens, we see PURE EVIL, in the form of
black smoke wisp out of the briefcase and rush right into the
camera.
The camera now starts to WHIRL AROUND in circles. A Low
growling starts growing in volume as we rise in speed until
we finally
WHIP PAN TO:
INT. JOE'S SUBURBAN HOUSE - SAME
SFX: a lawn mower mowing
JOE, our hero, is sitting, in the process of getting out of
bed. He's wearing his pajamas. Lying beside him is his LOVING
WIFE.
Don't forget to walk Conan.Yes dear... Will Conan and I havefrench toast waiting when we getback?Mmmm... That depends on how muchsugar we have in the cupboard.(looking over)Well.. Let me know if you needany...(smiling)Mmm... Maybe just a little...Joe leans over and kisses his Loving Wife.
EXT. JOE'S SUBURBAN LAWN - SAME
The camera is VERY LOW on the front step as CONAN, a white
poofed poodle, steps out of the open front door and yawns in
the morning sun. After surveying the neighborhood he looks up
at his leash and Joe.
We now start to DOLLY BACK as Joe and Conan start their walk.
EXT. REVEREND THOMPSON'S FRONT YARD
Joe's neighbor, REVEREND THOMPSON, is outside mowing his
lawn. Joe stops at Rev's fence to say hello.
Morning Reverend... out hereagain... 8 a.m. Every Saturday...Like clockwork.A good lawn is a mowed lawn, as theLord says.Indeed he does Reverend.. Indeed hedoes...Rev. Thompson gives Joe a wave as they continue their
business.
EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET - LATER
Joe and Conan continue their walk. All of a sudden, Conan
stops and starts sniffing the air.
What is it Conan?Conan keeps sniffing and looks over to:
We see the back of the Evil Salesman, standing on the
adjacent house's front step, holding a suitcase in both arms.
Joe is squinting to see more clearly.
A low growling starts coming from inside the house.
Conan starts barking.
The Evil Salesman turns around, closing up his briefcase. He
lays a wickedly evil smile on Joe.
Joe drops Conan's leash.
Conan immediately dashes up the lawn toward the Evil
Salesman.
We're now on a tight shot of Joe's face as we hear barking
turn quickly to yelping, then finally growling. As this aural
transformation occurs, we see Joe's face turn from quizzical
to horrified.
We ZOOM OUT quickly and watch Joe turn tail and start running
as fast as he can.
EXT. REVEREND THOMPSON'S FRONT YARD - SAME
Joe runs right past the Reverend on his way home.
What is it Joe?Evil! Pure Evil!(over his lawn mower)...What?INT./EXT. JOE'S SUBURBAN HOUSE - SAME
Joe dashes through the door and slams it shut behind him.
Honey!? Honey!What is it??Honey! Call the Police!(walking into living room)Calm down hon... Now what is it?Where's Conan?(frantic)It's... it's... I can't explainit... It's Pure Evil!(laughing)What?The doorbell rings.
Joe screams.
Joe! Sit down... and relax! I'llget it.No! Please hon whatever you do...Don't answer that door!Joe... What's gotten into you?Joe starts backing up toward the kitchen as his Loving Wife
goes toward the door. We follow Joe as he slowly backs toward
the back screen door.
Good morning Miss. May I interestyou in our fine line of BetterLiving pamphlets?Joe turns tail and runs as he hears a short scream mixing
into a low wind of grumbling and growling.
He rabbits through his lawn, scaling the fence in between his
backyard and Rev. Thompson's.
Going through Rev. Thompson's similar screen door and
entering his neighbor's house, Joe is shocked to find an
UPSIDE-DOWN PENTAGRAM written on the living room wall in
blood, with an ALTAR set up on the coffee table.
He stops for a moment and sees a STILL-BEATING HEART in the
altar... The Reverend's two kids are kneeling and bowing very
fast, speaking in some evil-sounding backward tongue.
Joe dashes through the front door to see Rev. Thompson
pushing around his lawn mower, chasing down a cat that is
running around the yard.
The Reverend looks very different than before... Now his
shirt and shorts are ripped and torn, he has black tattoos
all over his arms and legs, and a grossly maniacal grin on
his face. His eyes are bright red as he acknowledges Joe and
stops chasing the cat.
Joe quickly hops the fence and runs across the street as Rev.
Thompson aims his lawn mower at him.
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE #2 - SAME
A NUCLEAR FAMILY (FATHER, MOTHER, SON, and DAUGHTER) is
sitting in the living room watching Saturday morning
cartoons.
Joe crashes through the door and quickly closes it behind
him. The Nuclear family become alarmed.
Why... Joe... What is it?Please listen to me. There'ssomething wrong... Something...Pure Evil is trying to take overthe neighborhood!What!?I know it sounds crazy but you'veGot to believe me!... There! Lookout the window!Joe points to EVIL Conan, sitting in the middle of the front
lawn.
Evil Conan looks much different now... His teeth are five
times larger than before, and he wears a little collar with a
upside-down pentagram hanging from it. He sits perfectly
still watching the house with his deep red eyes.
Is that... Conan?Joe kneels down to his level.
I'm afraid so son...The Son starts sobbing. The Daughter and Mother start
huddling together.
Well Joe... What are we... I mean..What can we...do here?I don't know.. But as long asthis...Twisted sort of salesman doesn'tcome to your door i think we'realright.The doorbell rings.
A Beat filled with cartoon background noise.
The Mother gets up.
Hon... Don't.She sits back down.
Another beat.
The phone right next to the Daughter rings. Out of instinct
the Daughter picks it up.
Everyone stares at her in shock.
She simply listens for a moment, then hangs up, with no
change in expression.
Who was it dear?The Daughter stands.
A wrong number?She walks over to the door.
No! Don't!She opens the door and the Evil Salesman is standing right
there, smiling.
Good morning Miss. May I interestyou in our fine line of BetterLiving pamphlets?The Evil Salesman opens his briefcase and we see the black
smoke of PURE EVIL quickly engulf the poor Daughter. We see
the black smoke shoot up into her nose and mouth, snaking
along in tendrils just under her skin. Her hair starts moving
as if something was crawling underneath it as her hands shake
and large talons shoot out from her fingernails.
A low growling sound starts as her body lifts up about a foot
from the ground and starts to spin around very quickly. The
growling is very loud now as she spins impossibly fast. The
smoke then puts her down and we see that she's changed.
The Daughter quickly turns around, with red eyes and a
hellishly cruel smile taking up most of her face. We can see
that her neck has been squeezed to about 2 inches in width.
Her head crooks to one side as she pulls a very large butcher
knife out of her shirt and screams.
EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE #2 - SAME
We see Evil Conan watching the house as multiple growls,
screams, crashes, and thuds are heard.
Finally, Joe comes CRASHING through the FRONT WINDOW onto the
lawn. He gets up and runs right for the camera. He stops in
the street and looks both ways. We can see that he is COVERED
in BLOOD, but looks unharmed.
We now see that there is a police car approaching, sirens
blaring and lights flashing.
We see a CLOSE-UP of Joe, for once relieved.
We now see a long shot of the approaching police car. We
quickly ZOOM IN all the way to see that the cop is Evil,
right down to the Evil runes engraved on his face, badge
number 666 on his hat, and mouth filled with razor sharp
teeth.
We cut back to Joe's look, turning from relief to terror.
The car speeds up and Joe goes flying off the hood.
Joe lands flat on his back, his head slamming the pavement.
From Joe's POV, We now see the blue sky again, with
picturesque clouds floating on air.
Evil Conan appears upside down in our view, growling with his
bloodied poofs. The Evil Salesman Appears right side up.
We hear:
Good morning Sir. May I interestyou...As we:
FADE TO BLACK:
EXT. JOE'S SUBURBAN LAWN - LATER
We FADE IN ON Joe's face, as he snaps awake as if from a bad
dream. He looks up at the camera in relief, lets out a sigh,
and lays his head back down.
Joe's hair starts to blow from one direction.
We slowly ZOOM OUT to see the background behind Joe is
spinning. We ZOOM OUT even more to see that Joe is Tied down
to something and that he has started to spin around. We can
see the night sky and the green lawn roll by as he is spun
around and around.
We cut to a medium shot of Joe's upper body, tied to some
device. He has EVIL symbols painted all over his bare chest.
He looks around now terrified once more.
Joe starts screaming.
We now see the full picture. A wooden pentagram has been
erected in Joe's front lawn. He's been tied to it and now an
EVIL SUBURBANITE has started spinning the entire thing. There
is a large pile of wood and paper arranged underneath Joe
that his Evil Wife is just now lighting.
The whole neighborhood is out en force now, chanting and
generally having a good time. Little groups of EVIL MINIONS
gather around and share human flesh. Joe's house appears to
have been ransacked, the windows broken, the door off its
hinges, and a pool of blood on the front step.
We move back and the Evil Salesman blocks the view, talking
right into the camera.
Good Evening Ladies and Gentleman.May I interest you in our fine lineof Better Living pamphlets?He lifts his briefcase up and opens it, letting the black
PURE EVIL spill over the entire screen.
FADE TO BLACK.
