posted: 07.02.00
I See
by Brian Miller.
i see
i see footprints in soft sand
i see blood smears in window panes
i see rockets with wings
scrawling across the stratosphere to that magical point
behind the clouds where white becomes blue and opaque translucent
i see people doing people things in people ways and wonder
how they got there
i see carriage returns where they shouldn't
i see genius strolling next to a bike, wearing a bright yellow
i see all these things with eyes that have never been used.
perused but not used.
still in their wrapper, mint condition, hoping not to go to hell

i am me who is me but not he

he has been there and done that
he has the face of a Full House; invisible in its cowardice
his mask hurts as it helps:, an animal of its own
his mask is like chocolate, it cracks in cold or melts in hot

he is the mask that is breaking down.

Suddenly he starts into prose:

        I was walking around in  building 1,  the first building,
        Climbing  stairs  to  somewhere,  when  i  heard  a faint 
        pianoforte.  The melody was  haunting in its  slow decent 
        through the  floors and  into my ears.  "Where would  the 
        sound of  a piano come from?"  i thought.  It  drew me up 
        the flights,  past my destination and  up into the tower. 
        Where i never go.  The sound was getting  louder now as i 
        brought  my breath  to tempo with the steps.  I could see 
        the ceiling now and  determined the music  was live.  You
        know how you can just, just tell if music is live or not?
        Well  i just told.  Now there was  only one  flight left.  
        The notes were dreadfully loud,  containing all the power
        that must  burn to make it down 6 flights.  I reached the 
        top and looked through the  doorway into the face of this
        haunting wraith.  The corner of the machine  appeared and
        i was back outside in the moonlight, away from my terror.

A bug just crawls over his foot. It is time to move.
The truth
truth is
is he doesn't know the truth.
he wonders in place...
he wonders why some buildings scream all the time
he wonders why phobias for some are fetishes for other
he wonders why people act the way they do (again and again)
he wonders how much a vinyl bodysuit would cost.

Many things of i are not shown in he. For instance,
he does not wonder anything. He only acts, reacts, and makes it
look normal. It is i that does all the wondering.

i wonder how many people can see right through he
i wonder if others have the same affliction with he as i does
i wonder how deep this really is.

asymmetry looks off if one expects the other
no one really feels a 3% grade
gifts indeed fluctuate

Urinary Infection.
"I never get urinary infections. Scratch that... I've never had a urinary infection" he says.
But when they (a new character) see... they always sees he, not i.

so can they tell if he is i? or just he being he.

I wrote this a long time ago. I happened upon it today while looking through a few things and thought I'd print it, since enough time has passed that i can truthfully say it's crap. If you disagree I'm happy.