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I talked to Bianca today. She called me to ask me why I haven't called her. I'm still all messed up of course but I held it together for the length of our call, constantly reminded by all the things that bugged me about her instead of the usual thoughts in my head (remembering things that I loved about her (which definitely includes the sex (I read something a few days ago about how most couples don't orgasm simultaneously. This really worried me because we always did, and none of my previous girlfriends have, so I'm wondering if I've had a taste of some rare treat and pissed it away))). Anyway, I asked her how she dreams, color or black and white, and if she feels anything in them and she went into this whole tirade about how I never asked about her dreams when we were together and how I never asked her about anything when we were together. I had just enough time to say something about how I usually didn't have time to say anything between phases of her daily interrogations before she blew up at me and started flat-out yelling. Then I sat for a while and played FreeCell while she talked and yelled and talked some more. In past experiences with having fights with her over the phone, if I just sit there and listen I come up with all sorts of mean things to say, then when I get a chance to talk it becomes really hard for me not to say those things. So I play cards and wait until she tells me to say something, which is usually where I say the mean thing anyway and get another rant from her. Of course, some things just don't change. After a while I hear her asking why I'm being so quiet, so I mention that one of the supposed quirks of not being her boyfriend anymore was not having to have these long, drawn out phone arguments. That got me another solid hour.


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