The Advertisements appeared in SPLODAx correspondance.
Randy’s Bar & Grill
Have the most fun the NDG will allow, tonight at Randy's. Enjoy non-Pharm
cocktails in our spacious outdoor courtyard. Shirts and shoes required,
Dollars not accepted. Open all night.
Vicki’s Massage Parlor
Release that stress in the low-key lighting and thick carpeting of Vicki's
Massage Parlor! Let Vicki's magic fingers push and pull your problems away.
Eat Crusty-Os as part of a healthy breakfast. Only Crusty-Os have over 18
synthetically-generated vitamins and minerals laced with more sugar and
caffeine than any other leading brand! Eat smart, eat Crusty-Os!
Quirky Clips Hair Salon
Newsflash: The Executive Contour is Out! Turn that mophead into a sleek,
shining icon of style today at Quirky Clips Hair Salon! Let our talented
fleet of Hair Artists create A New You that will wow co-workers and get
you dates! We also feature the latest in wig styles for our SLHOA clientele.
Singing with Syllables
Having trouble with your A-B-Cs? Learn to read today with this fabulous new
system: Singing with Syllables. The easy-to-use Singing with Syllables
system takes you from illiterate to Librarian in 8 weeks! Guaranteed or your
money back! (disclaimer included in box)
Hapley’s House of Oak
For all of your furniture needs, visit Hapley's House of Oak for the premium
in synthetically-manufactured chairs, couches, desks, tables, and lamps!
Reasonably priced, cheap delivery!
Rossi Gin. Taste Life.
Flukies Hot Dogs
When it comes to hot dogs, nothing beat a Flukies. Succulently broiled and topped with original ingredients, only Flukies has that pop when you bite into it. The classic, the original: Flukies Hot Dogs
Consistently rated in the top ten by the NDG Residence Survey, The Eliot has served as one of New York’s finest hotels for over seventy years. Premium service, regal accommodations, and a touch of class. Visit us today!
Feeling down? Depressed? Bleak? Blue? Happiness is only one pill away. PleasurePharm’s original classic is back in new and improved form. Try one today and wash those blues away!
Try our new Skyscraper Sandwhich! Four layers of hearty beef, crisp vegetable, and secret sauce make this our tallest burger yet! Find it only at Metropolitan Burger
The Hun’s Fitness Center
Whip those abs into shape! Join The Hun’s Fitness Center this month and receive a free bathrobe made from the finest fabrics. The Hun’s Fitness Center, where exercise is mandatory.
Madam Sasha’s Fortune Telling
Uncover the mystery of your future at Madam Sasha’s. “She’s unbelievable, I couldn’t believe it!” “She really knew me, it was amazing!” “madam Sasha is definitely the best fortune teller I’ve ever been to, bar none!” See what your future holds today at madam Sasha’s!
Warp 13 Toothbrush
Give your teeth the best brushing that they will ever have in your lifetime with the new Warp 13. Warp 13’s exclusive Thirteen-function Brushing System delves into every nook and cranny in your mouth: brushing, scrubbing, shellacking, buffing, scraping, coating, vibrating, and capping your teeth while massaging, emulsifying, tenderizing, irrigating, and sterilizing your gums at the same time!
Wonton’s Take-Out has Authentic New York Chinese food, delivered to your door in an hour or less. Guaranteed! Try our famous General Chan Chicken and rice!
An all-time record high jackpot! New York’s Number One Winning Lottery, GreenBack Lotto! Find out what you’ve been missing, Get Into It!
Husbands: Sick of the wife letting loose in bed? Wives: Are the neighbors complaining about your husband’s sonic booms at night? Is Chronic Gassiness getting you down? Get rid of those embarrassing gas-outs with Gas-B-Gone (A PleasurePharm Product). Available in a variety of floral, woodsy, or spicy flavors!
On the run? Don’t have time to feed the kids? CheeZ Stix are ready in minutes, and healthy too! Ronnie the Rat says “They’re cheeeeeeeezeeeeee!” Try CheeZ Stix today, They’re For The Kids!