It made so much sense. The nutrients in human blood would've seeped into the soil, creating the extraordinary health of his lawn; and he couldn't've done the deed during the day for it would take time to ensure that the blood would be absorbed. Johnny's tennis shoe was mistakenly left behind last trash pickup, and the flies could still smell the blood, which really is quite sweet. Martha wasn't home because she was dead, as was Johnny. This presented other questions though, quickly answered through logic and deduction. Ed had made some sort of deal with Bud, who was a widower and might have done away with his own wife in the same manner. Maybe he wanted a divorce but she wouldn't allow it, or maybe she was witness to some other criminal act that Ed and Bud were in. Maybe he just hated her; her potato salad was almost inedible. It's obvious that little Johnny walked in while the deed was taking place, forcing Ed to go ahead and finish him off as well. It wasn't hard at all for me to see Ed standing by watching Bud mow his family into the lawn, these bugs must drive more people crazy every year than all those movies and video games combined. Besides, behind the perfected veneer these people project, there has so be some skeletons in the closet. For all I knew the whole neighborhood was involved. Why hadn't anyone else noticed the mowing in the night?Well no matter how much she and her son had deserved to go, Ed and Bud were still in the wrong by chopping them up to fertilizer-sized pieces and mowing them into the soil. For no other reason it was incredibly annoying to listen to all night. Alerting the authorities was completely out of the question however, for if the whole neighborhood was involved there'd be no way for me to prove these events, since all the evidence would be in the chlorophyll of the grass. Bud Lolis would undoubtedly dispose of the tennis shoe before any police could arrive in this isolated area disposing of the last remnant of his crime.No, I had to take matters into my own hands.I took a trip to the hardware store, being careful to buy bags of cement, a few timbers of wood, and buckets of paint along with the sledgehammer, power-saw, and turpentine. Morning would be the best time, since I'd have time to move in and prepare for Ed and Bud to return from work. I would wait for Bud, spend the evening taking care of him, then visit the Adelaide residence after the neighborhood had gone to sleep, leaving minimal chance of verbal outburst or general disruption. All of this would take place the next day.I slept well that night.Everything went to accord that morning. Bud Lolis left for work then I broke a window, laid out plastic on the entryway, prepared the bathroom, and made a sandwich. After all, there was no sense in wasting the food in his refrigerator, since he wouldn't be eating any of it and it would surely go to waste. Bud came home at precisely 5:48pm and I met him in his entryway with the sledgehammer. By this time I was so bored by sitting around all day, it was all I could do to wait until he closed the door to render him unconscious with the sledgehammer. I calculated that I had about five hours to get him in mowing condition and clean up the unfortunate side effects of such a task before the neighborhood would be asleep and I could make my way across the street.I must admit I nearly fell asleep waiting for 11:00pm to arrive. The task was more exhausting than I thought it would be, also staining my shirt and slacks beyond repair. I could certainly see why Bud chose to dispose of his problems over a period of a week! In any case, the time finally came and I stepped outside, surveying the area for lights still on up and down the street. Just as expected everything was quiet, so I gathered up my tools and head across the street.Ed Adelaide had locked his front door, but thanks to the friendly atmosphere of The Country, his back door was indeed unlocked. I left the saw and turpentine down in the kitchen and traveled upstairs, careful not to make any sound. When I got to Ed's bedroom, I saw that he was already bringing women home! Indeed there were two lumps under the covers instead of the anticipated solitary mound. Maybe poor Martha wasn't even Ed's first wife, just another bump on the road, sharing his bed until she annoyed him enough to pay his neighbor to kill her for him. I stood there for a moment thinking about what to do.This was my fatal flaw.Before long the woman woke up and turned on the light, understandably alarmed by my looming presence with sledgehammer in hand looming in the doorway. To my surprise the woman was not some transient prostitute, but Martha Adelaide! Of course she screamed and Ed woke up and Johnny came running in and they called the authorities. I didn't run or anything like that though, I was too surprised.As it turned out, the police can make it to our neighborhood fairly quickly, and with Johnny and Martha still alive, I couldn't positively identify whom Bud Lolis had killed and mowed into his lawn to make it such a beautiful shade of green. The police did look in the Lolis house though, and found what I had planned on disposing of later (in my own lawn nonetheless). I was sentenced to twenty-five years in a maximum-security penitentiary.Although many of you who read this might not understand how a man can chop up a neighbor with intent to seed the grass of his landscaping, I don't ask for pity or sorrow. I blame no one, except perhaps Martha Adelaide and her potato salad, and I'm more than a bit sorry for ending Bud Lolis' life. All things considered though, he really did have it coming.THE END
