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It's midnight and I should still be out with my roommate or something but instead I'm laying here with a candle burning and music on and I'm writing this. Why? Because instead of going out with my roommate or doing anything else, I went to a movie with Bianca: My definitely-EX-girlfriend… Move her file, change her label, write her off.

I wont re-dredge the details here, but for the sake of record, she didn't have to be so damn happy and casual did she? The night was horrible. The car ride was one long uncomfortable silence, which she apparently didn't mind. Part of me thinks that she's forcing the silence since she knows I have a shark fin on my back, but judging from past experience the silence is always there. Bianca wasn't intentionally poking at my naked insides. Much.

The movie was a thriller. A good thriller. This didn't help matters because, faking it or not, Bianca resorted to grabbing my arm several times. Grabbing tightly. Words cannot even describe what roads this caused my mind to race with the top down and the headlights off. The ride back was more of the same, ending with a very torturous coda in which she tried to sound thoughtful and sincere when she said things like "we'll always be close" and "I still want to be friends."

It's clear to me that I won't be doing this again anytime soon. What I need right now is change. I need to stop seeing some people and start meeting others. I need to put some things down and pick others up. I need to…. Do something.


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