Last Entry


This is when things get weird. Several things have happened in the last few days.

One: Bianca is seeing another guy. I don't know his name but he looks like the complete opposite of me. He works out, he has a sloping forehead, he has the Abercrombie & Fitch look, with his short bleached hair and thick neck and dull pattern shirts with random numbers on them and cargo pants. He plays soccer and ultimate Frisbee on alternating weekends. He's very tan. How do I know? Bianca lives twenty minutes away on a street where you have to park on different sides corresponding to what day of the week it is. Well it's a valid question, and it's worth answering.

Two: I learned all of this information through my dream last night.

No shit. I had this dream, and Bianca was in it. She was smiling and laughing and having fun and all of the things that I'll miss about her, making up what would normally be your typical lost-love dream. Then this guy comes into the scene, wearing the aforementioned wardrobe, and she starts hugging and grabbing on him like she used to do to me. Then I see him playing soccer and her watching and cheering him on, throwing a Frisbee to her in some sort of sick Full House-style picturesque version of a Saturday afternoon picnic. I smelled the grass, I heard the birds singing and them laughing, I felt a breeze in the air.

Naturally I woke up soaked with cold sweat.

The dream bothered me so much that I drove downtown with some plan of just "dropping by" Bianca's place, just to make sure that this dream, which was, let's face it, a creation of my mind, was not real. It took me forever to park, and as I was walking up the street toward her door, I saw them both walk out, close to each other in that new-lover's embrace. I couldn't, and still can't, believe it. Have I seen this guy before? I don't think so, but how else could he crash my fucking dream? I mean he was wearing different clothes and everything, but his hair was the same, his face was the same, his build, the way he walked, everything. I had seen him just last night.

Definitely not a story for the co-workers. I told my roommate but he didn't seem to fully understand the whole thing. Like he has premonitions every night or something. Who else could I tell though? Furthermore, Should I tell anyone else? I know I've been depressed lately but something like this might kind of graduate me to the next level of mental unhealth. I've thought about therapy, but I'd rather spend the money on music. I have an idea, which I'm going to start trying out tonight. I play music after I turn out the lights at night, and the music will lull me to sleep and hopefully cover any of the fucked up things going on in my head with soothing melody and rhythms.

Yeah sounds like a shit plan, but it's worth a try.


Next Entry